My daughter is 19yrs old dating a man 23yrs older than her, I don’t feel comfortable about their relationship

A mother has shared her discomfort on social media about her 19-year-old daughter dating a man 23 years older than her. 

The mother mentioned that her daughter kept this relationship private, unlike her previous relationships with guys her age. This time, the daughter did not reveal much about her boyfriend.

The mother also expressed concern about the man’s unwillingness to have children or get married, adding to her unease about the relationship.

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She wrote: “He’s 42, which is 23 years older. For perspective, my husband and I are 47 and 46. They’ve been dating for over 6 months and met shortly before she turned 19.

“We highly suspected that she was dating someone, but she has always been as private as possible about her relationships so we gave her space. She’s been in 4 relationships with guys her age that we know about, but she never snuck out or lied about where she was going so we do know there were more.

“He’s apparently not the first older man she’s dated, but she did confirm that she was 18+ for all of them. My husband and I both feel very uncomfortable with the situation, and we don’t know how we want to move forward. We want to have another discussion with her, and we need to decide whether or not we want to meet him.

“She’s a junior in college and lives at home, but we do understand that she is an adult. We just want her to be safe. What she’s told us about him is that he’s divorced, but has no children. They met online.He “isn’t a bum.” He is a business owner and apparently does quite well for himself. She only gave us a first name so I can’t confirm anything.

“He doesn’t do drugs but does occasionally drink. She’s never drank with him and he’s never asked her to. Legal drinking age is 21 where we live. He doesn’t have a criminal record.He isn’t interested in marriage and doesn’t want kids. She’s never felt creeped out or uncomfortable with him (I can’t say the same and we haven’t even met). She says he’s respectful and treats her well.”

“We aren’t sure about meeting him. On one hand, it would be good to feel things out and see exactly what he’s like. On the other hand, it would be very uncomfortable and awkward for all of us. They have no plans or desire to take the relationship further (no moving in and no marriage), but if they stay together for at least another year there is her graduation where it could be inevitable.

“We just don’t know what else we should do or ask. Or if we should just let it be and keep a safe space for her if she needs it. Let her come to us, you know?”