I never wanted to have kids, I always wanted to be childfree- Woman laments, shares childbirth story

Ashley James, a 37-year-old mother, recently opened up about how childbirth traumatized her and why she never wanted to have kids in the first place.

She explained that she always envisioned a childfree life, as she never saw herself as someone who wanted children.

“It’s not like I ever envisioned my life as one day I’ll be a mum, I always wanted to be child-free,” she said

“All my reasons why I didn’t want to be a mum, I felt I was living that reality,” she said.

“Then you’d feel guilty for ever wanting to wish a child away because obviously you love them and want to best for them.” She told Mummas Podcast 

She also shared that after giving birth to her son, Alfie, she initially felt a sense of total bliss and thought her change of heart would last. However, she soon realized how much her life had changed, often finding herself longing for her old life.

Ashley recounted the challenges she faced during childbirth, revealing that she was denied painkillers after delivering Alfie. 

During this difficult time, she pleaded for her husband, Tom, to stay with her in the hospital.

she continued: “They kept not only brushing me off, but telling me ‘if you let us do this then we’ll give you pain relief.

“So it was the physical checks that were honestly agony.

“They basically pinned me down and forced me to do these checks and the pain relief never came.”

“Because I’ve run a few London marathons, I know that I can kind of push my body past pain.

“But it was when I got there that things started to feel wrong – as I was in constant pain, 18 hours of pretty severe pain,”

“It was the worst experience and it just completely broke my trust with medical professionals.

“How has it taken people telling me it’s all in my head like I’m some crazy woman when it’s actually something that women get.”

She also spoke on how people judged her and questioned if she was the first person to ever give birth.

“If I try and talk about it it’s like ‘oh well, at least Alfie was safe’ and ‘do you think you’re the first person to go through childbirth?” She added

“Then you also get this toxic positive narrative of ‘all you hear is negative birth experiences’ and I’m like, it’s not like I wear a badge of honour, I’m literally traumatised for life.”

“It’s so frustrating because we blame the women for having the bad experience.”