I Told my mother she is not beautiful Now I regret ever saying it

A woman shared her experience of calling her mother ugly when she was young and how it’s now impacting her.

Sharing her encounter on reddit, she wrote: “I called my mom ugly and it’s my biggest regret to this day

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I can’t remember how old I was but probably between 5-8 years old. My mom was on sick leave because she had been burnt out. It was me, my older sister and my mom at home. We were all watching TV, kinda crammed up in our small couch. My mom was laying on her side and me and my sister were sitting next to each other. I looked at my mom and asked her if she wasn’t wearing makeup. She said no and I regretfully remember that I thought I was being funny when I replied with “you look so ugly”. I also remember with horror that my mom started crying. She wasn’t mad, she didn’t say anything, she just cried silently. I looked at my sister and she kind of shook her head at me as if saying “no, you can’t say that”. This is the worst memory of my life. I hate myself every time it comes to mind. I wish I could erase this from my memory.

When I was a kid I was very shy and sometimes didn’t speak to people at all. I kind of struggled around people and just how to fit in/act normal. I was a “good kid” but I had a lot of anxiety at a very early age and was also very sensitive. I would say or do things that I picked up from my piers because I thought that was normal or even cool. Then I would get in trouble and people were disappointed in me and I would feel really bad. Why could I never get things right? Is there something wrong with me? I just struggled a lot with how to be a human.

I don’t know if my lacking behavior skills had anything to do with why I called my mom ugly, but no matter the reason I hope I can forgive myself one day. It is my deepest regret and a dark memory that I have never shared with anyone.